My recommended kid games (from A Whole Lotta Nothing)

as much as it might seem like a good idea to rush into potty training, especially if you have a kid who is showing advanced abilities, studies show that you should wait.  but not too long…

A new study suggests 27 to 32 months is the ideal window for moving your child out of diapers. Children who were toilet trained after 32 months were more likely to have urge incontinence — daytime wetting and bed-wetting — between ages 4 and 12.

I’ve heard about a method that involves three days and NO diapers, probably some messy pants and some unpleasant laundry, but has success.  Well, I know of two cases that worked…we will cover that soon on PoppaBlog.

More on the study mentioned above, here.

I wanted to pass on a quick savings tip before dropping the first annual PoppaBlog.com Holiday Gift Guide for Dads and Kids on you.

I recently saved 15% on a purchase just by using Bing.com’s cashback feature. Check it out here. Just search for the retailer or product that you’re interested in and save some loot. It takes about 60 days to get the money back, but come February, it’ll be nice to have some extra cash for Valentine’s Day.

The notion of directing users to a particular site for a percentage off isn’t new, another pioneer in the area is FatWallet.

Another great place to look is the same place that takes money from you every month, your credit cards. Discover offers their Shop Discover and American Express has shopAmex (which will actually let you use your points for merchandise).

Bank of America has announced Add It Up which offers percentage discounts as well, and works with their credit and debit cards.

Some workplaces offer additional benefits in the form of employee discounts. For example, I recently purchased a Sears gift card for my father and received a 15% discount, just for being an employee of my company! Check with your HR people to see if you have anything similar.

I’m sure there are a pile of cash back and rewards programs out there worth mentioning. If you know of any, please comment and share with the readers.

Here are some tips to keep you and your kids out of the doctor’s office this holiday season:

• Stay Home. For real, avoid unnecessary trips.  Junior doesn’t need to wait in line with you at 6AM on Black Friday to get that $249.99 laptop at Walmart.  Also, with H1N1 (swine flu) flying around everywhere, this would be the year to tell your extended family that you really don’t care for them and you want to spend Christmas at home with the wife and kids.
• Take the Meds. If your child is over 6 months old, get a flu shot.  With the H1N1 hype happening right now, most people are losing site that the regular flu tends to get nasty in late December.  Protect yourself and your kids and get both types of shots.
• Tell your friends and family to get shots. As adults, our immune systems have been strengthened by shirtless football games in January and the barrage of germs, viruses and parasites that are ingested during spirited beer pong play…your kids on the other hand have not led the cultured life that you have and can’t handle exposure like you can.  Avoid exposure by (putting on some pants) asking your relatives to get flu shots before you come and visit.  If grandma really wants to see her granddaughter, she can take her butt to the pharmacy for a shot.
• Keep them clean. I saw a kid pick up a chicken bone from the floor of a restaurant and put it in his mouth once.  Gross right? I swear, the little buggers will touch and eat anything…ANYTHING.  Keep their hands clean and keep an eye out for what they’re touching.  Grabbing Uncle Randy’s wooden leg is one thing, sucking on a handrail at the mall (I literally just gagged) is another. 
  
• Teach them how to sneeze and cough. I keep telling my 6 month old that if she doesn’t start covering her nose and mouth when she sneezes that I’m not going to let her talk to boys until she’s 50.  Lucky for me, she’s not covering up.  If your kid is old enough to get it, teach them how to cover their mouth/nose and teach them to wash their hands afterward.  A sick kid is bad enough, being known as the family that’s spreading the outbreak can get you run out of some places.

Do you have any tips?  Please comment!

Here are a few tips from PoppaBlog.com on keeping your collection clean and prolonging the “Daddy, what’s a ho?” question until he gets to grade school.

1. Buy another iPod: chances are, you probably even have an old one laying around that you’re not using.  Take one for Daddy’s collection and bob your head all day long to N.W.A.’s greatest hits when junior isn’t around and use the other one when you’re off to Gymboree and rock out to The Wiggles.
2. Start buying the “clean” versions: I can’t believe that I even wrote that.  As a non-parent, I would stand on the closest soapbox and scream “freedom of speech!”  Now that there are little ears listening, I can (kind-of) understand why evil places like Walmart sell edited versions.  Of course, not giving their consumers the right to choose which version is a big ole can of worms that I’m not going to open here.  There are two major issues with buying edited music.  One, your buddies will surely make fun of you.  Two, the censors aren’t so picky about sexual context and there are still a pile of words that get through that aren’t so good for the little one.
3. Start listening to non-explicit music: GASP!  Are you implying that I get out of my box and listen to different music?  Not completely.  If you’re into rap and hip-hop, there are plenty of non-explicit options.  You can generally find instrumental versions of popular tracks and guys like DJ Shadow and RJD2 have been making some amazing music with samples and turntables for years now.  Granted, some tracks might have a sample or two that is not kid friendly, or a track with a guest MC spouting out some nasties, but just move those to your dirty iPod.  And remember kids, Will Smith didn’t have to curse to sell all of his records.
4. Turn off MTV: oh wait, never mind…they haven’t played music videos since I was a kid.
5. Keep tabs on them: Nobody wants to be the bad cop.  However, if your child is old enough to have their own iPod and has access to a computer and has a friend, they WILL get their hands on music that they shouldn’t have.  It’s human nature to be intrigued by the dirty things in life.  There’s a line on Run-DMC’s – Raising Hell album that went “I leave all suckers, in the dust, those dumb mother f@%&ers can’t mess with us.”  I got that TAPE in second grade, and I think that I rewound and replayed that line about seven thousand times after I heard it.  I think I turned out OK, but I was also very shy and didn’t run around repeating everything that I heard.
6. Find some kid’s music that you’ll both enjoy: Yes, I mean that.  There are a handful of albums out there by artists that you might even know that have done kids albums.  Alternatively, there are kid’s versions of music that you might be into.  Need proof, check it out:
   
   …Biz Markie, The Roots, lullaby versions of Radiohead and Metallica, and that’s what a quick search of Amazon.com produced. Surely a quick look in iTunes would yield more results.

I’d love to hear some tips and advice from other parents out there. Leave a comment, tell us how you manage to keep an AK-47 off of little Jimmy’s Christmas list, even though you rocked a Jheri curl and wore an Oakland Raiders hat to your 8th grade dance.

A post on co-sleeping grabbed my attention. Call me sexist, but I’d typically expect the mother to be the main proponent of co-sleeping. Especially if she is breast feeding and the little one wakes up frequently. Natural Papa is a big fan of it, and I’ve actually met a few other dads that were down and figured linking to his post might interest some of my readers.

Here is a snippet of his article:

Co-sleeping is one of the principles of attachment parenting, and also one of the most contentious. For those who practice it, it’s normal and healthy. For those who don’t, it’s dangerous and irresponsible.

“You really let your baby sleep in the same bed with you? Isn’t that dangerous?”

Before our first child was born, my wife and I discussed co-sleeping, and I have to admit that I wasn’t so sure about it. I read about the basics, the pros and cons, and intuitively, it seemed right. But when I thought of actually having the baby in bed with us, I had some reservations. After some serious study of the issue, and talking to others, I eventually came around, and now, I can’t see doing it any differently.

My wife and I have been co-sleeping with all of our children for almost 12 years (one at a time, though, not all of them at once), and I believe that if you can disregard the negative bias of the mainstream media when it comes to natural parenting, and trust your own instincts, co-sleeping is beneficial to the entire family.

And here’s the link again. A good read, worth checking out.

Hubby: Do you want something to eat?
Me: um…no thanks. I don’t really have an appetite.

Hubby: Are you upset with me?
Me: No…I am just feeling this overwhelming sense of sadness, and I don’t know why. I just know that I need you here with me.

Hubby: Do you want to talk about it?
Me: I don’t know how to put into words what I’m feeling…I just know that I feel lousy but so in love…all at the same time. I could cry at any moment.

Hubby: Can you tell me what you’re feeling?
Me: All I can say is that I feel this profound sense of emptiness and there is no rational explanation for this grief. I am overjoyed and I truly have the perfect life. I have a husband who loves me, a beautiful newborn daughter, who is the love of my life, and no stress or drama and yet, I feel such an indescribable sense of loneliness and feelings of inadequacy. I’m miserable that you are going back to work, and I’m miserable that I have to return to work in a few months. I just want to be with her all the time. I look at our daughter and I am overwhelmed with love. It’s more intense than anything I have ever felt in my life. Beyond these thoughts, i can’t explain the origin or why i am in this state. It is as though my hormones have taken over, and I am completely out of control with my emotions, and if I continue talking about it…I’m going to cry once again.

For anyone out there who has ever experienced these feelings, this was my entire second week of motherhood. No one tells you that this overwhelming sense of loss / grief / emptiness / sadness is looming, or that you’ll experience a seesaw of emotions ranging from bliss to tears all within minutes…nor does anyone explain how to handle this hormonal state of utter distress. I am here to tell you that these feelings are all normal and completely natural. This my friends is Postpartum Blues.

It is as if you are fine one day, elated, on a huge cloud of bliss, celebrating this new life, then you turn around and the next minute you are crying and feeling completely out of sorts. You have no idea how to make these erratic feelings stop and your husband / partner is completely helpless, unsure of how to comfort you. Additionally, you don’t know if it will end and you don’t know if there is a light at the end of this bleak tunnel. You feel like you are going on an uphill battle with your child by your side and you don’t know how to handle these new feelings and emotions.

What I wish someone would have told me is that it’s ok to feel these things, and that you should never feel embarrassed to discuss your thoughts. I was so ashamed that I felt such profound sadness, that I tried to suppress my feelings, and even told my closest friends and family members that I was not experiencing anything hormonal. In fact, even when my mother expressed that she had a bad case of postpartum blues, I did not share my experience with her. I’m ashamed to say that I thought people would view me as weak, or that it was a sign that I was not a good mother. Especially when I had so much to be thankful for, and had such intense feelings of love for my family.

Dads / partners, postpartum blues are very real. They are overwhelming and unexplainable. What your wife needs, is not answers or solutions or the old “baby, you are such a strong woman!” pep talk. What your wife needs is a hug, a kiss, a smile, some cuddle time, and your undivided attention. Do not make the mistake of telling your wife that she should be positive and strong for the baby. What woman wants to hear that she is not living up to an imaginary standard? What she really needs is your comfort, support and understanding. Without that, it is a slippery slope from postpartum blues, which may last from one day to 2 weeks, to postpartum depression, which can persist for months and years. Take it from me, I needed my husband to be in sync with me, to protect me and make me feel loved and comforted by telling me what every mom wants to hear – that I am the most amazing and loving mom on this earth.

SOME TIPS:

• Be sure that the house is in complete order (cleanliness / ample food / nursery is set up, etc.) before you arrive from the hospital with your little bundle of joy.
• Arrange for loving friends and family to stop by. As much as you may want your privacy, it’s nice to feel loved and appreciated after going through such a huge transition. It’s also nice to keep her distracted from only focusing on her sadness.
• SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP! All new moms need their sleep. This is a rejuvenation period for mom, so be sure that she is taking care of herself!
• Allow your wife / partner to cry – encourage it! Do not let her feel like something is wrong or let her feel like she should be worried. Allow her to cry on your shoulder and let out all of her feelings. This is such a great way to cleanse her system and feel a sense of catharsis. This is all part of a normal pregnancy postpartum.
• Get mom out of the house everyday, even if it is for a short walk or car ride. Being out in the real world can be refreshing.
• Avoid Isolation. Be sure that your wife / partner has a support group available at all times. Be it her best friend or sister in law, be sure that she always has someone readily available if you are not accessible.

RESOURCES FOR POSTPARTUM BLUES:

• Baby Center – Postpartum Blues / Depression
• March of Dimes – Postpartum Blues / Depression

Again, this is my take on postpartum blues. If you notice that your wife is experiencing more prolonged symptoms over an extended period of time (longer than 2-3 weeks) you should seek professional help immediately! This is not shameful and is completely treatable! I know someone who experienced postpartum depression for over a year. She is now back to feeling like herself again.

RESOURCES FOR POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION:

• Great book for Mom – It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita
• Great book for Dad – The Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for living with Postpartum Depression

This is definitely not kid’s stuff…no pun intended.

It’s inevitable, your kid will be online at some point. Kids love whatever is trendy and fun, and we all know what that means, Starcraft, IRC, Salon.com and Friendster. In all seriousness though, as a parent, it is your duty to protect your child at all times. Which means at ALL times. Be smart, install some sort of invasive monitoring program if they have their own computer, or limit online time to a location where you can stop by a sneek a peek at what their doing. If they’re a little older, then have the “That dude who says he is 15 and thinks that you are cute is probably a 45 year old man living in his grandmas basement, waiting for you to give him your home address so that he can bring you weed, cheap beer and try to touch you in places that your bathing suit covers” talk.

Here’s the Telegraph’s take on the topic: Is social networking bad for our children?

And yes, that is MC Hammer in the picture (must be legit, in fact, perhaps it is too legit to quit)

And just in case you didn’t get the coming over with weed and beer reference…you need to brush up on pop-culture and do a search on youtube for Chris Hansen:

Keep up on all of the nasty cases of the media’s favorite illnesses from the comfort of your own germ free bunker. Now when your kids ask why they can’t go out and play, you can show them all of the H1N1 cases within 50 miles of the playground. Lock them in folks, nothing worse than a kid with a well developed immune system!

In all seriousness though, if H1N1 (swine flu) or some other nasty little bug gets out of hand, this is a good resource to keep a tab on where it’s causing the most damage.

About HealthMap

HealthMap brings together disparate data sources to achieve a unified and comprehensive view of the current global state of infectious diseases and their effect on human and animal health. This freely available Web site integrates outbreak data of varying reliability, ranging from news sources (such as Google News) to curated personal accounts (such as ProMED) to validated official alerts (such as World Health Organization). Through an automated text processing system, the data is aggregated by disease and displayed by location for user-friendly access to the original alert. HealthMap provides a jumping-off point for real-time information on emerging infectious diseases and has particular interest for public health officials and international travelers.

He passed away 13 years ago today.

Outside of the obvious “I’m really bummed that my beautiful wife and incredible daughter never got to meet him” or “I really miss the guy” reasons for writing about him today, I have a not so obvious parenting tactic that I indirectly learned through him, after he passed.

Full Disclosure. As much as it hurts or might not seem important at the time, I am going to be open and honest with my children about their immediate and extended family. Of course, there are some details that don’t need to be disclosed that will never have relevance to their lives. But there will be the obvious ones or even the moments that might not stand out as terribly obvious at the time, that should be shared.

I have two examples, both about my Grandfather (Buck). One is very painful, the other is so incredibly amazing, that it hurts to think about it.

Example 1, I never really saw cancer.
I was a sophomore in college at the time of his death. I knew he was sick. He battled cancer for what seemed like years. He had moments where he seemed like he was getting better, moments where I barely recognized him and moments where he didn’t even seem sick. He was sick though, terribly sick. As a 19 year old man/kid, I should have known he was worse off than he was. I had never seen anyone go through a fight with cancer before, and to be honest, he was my grandfather, I never thought he would die from it.

I understand where my mom and family were coming from by not telling me everything, I truly do. I’m a parent now and the last thing that I ever want to see is my kid hurting. I just wish I would have been told, convinced even, that it was bad. I wish that I would have realized that my time with him was limited and that I probably wouldn’t get to see him for Christmas the year that he passed. I was a 19 year old kid, partying in college without a care in the world because my grandfather was at home, fighting for his life…and all the while I just thought he would pull through, or that I had time left with him. I didn’t. Like I said, I don’t blame my family for not conveying the enormity of the situation, maybe they were in denial of it…but one of my biggest regrets in life is not being able to see him one last time during his dying days. In fact, I can’t even pin point the last time that I saw him. Call me morbid, but if I saw him, dying in his bed, I would at least have that as my last time memory.

So, kiddies, I promise you this, you will know in full detail what is going on with anyone who is sick in our family. It will hurt, and will undoubtedly result in some tears, but when you’re in your 30s I don’t want you thinking back and having things that you wish you would have known.

Example 2, he was Santa Claus.
When my parents split up, we were poor. Hell, we were poor before they split up…twice as poor when we were living with my grandparents. Nonetheless, I remember having a ton of fun there. I have a few aunts and uncles that are within 10 years of me in age (big Catholic family, and yes, I was a teenage accident) and my brother and I were showered with attention and always had someone to play with. However, there wasn’t much money floating around and my mom was working multiple jobs to pull our lives back together.

Fast forward about 15 years to his funeral where my aunt was telling us stories about my grandfather. Most I knew; a number of them, I witnessed. But then she told me about the Christmas when we first moved into their house. She told me about how my mom was stressed out about not having presents for us. All I know is that we woke on Christmas morning to a bounty that would put a toy store to shame. I’m not sure who else knew, but my grandfather was a real life Santa Claus that year. He went out bought toys and made sure that we had the best Christmas ever.

I don’t know that if I knew that piece of information if I would have ever officially thanked him or even told him that I knew. I just feel like it’s one of those little things that would have helped me appreciate him even more than I did while he was still alive.

So that is where I am. I haven’t completely figured this parenting thing out and I’ll bet that I am an old grandfather when I finally do get it. And I’m sure that I have a ton of mistakes to make as my kids grow, but I have learned a few things from how I feel today as an adult. My kids, for better or for worse, are going to be in the know. They’ll probably know more than some people might think that they should, but at least they will be informed.

I’ll be selective about when they find out, but they will also know about the people who did wonderful things for them in plenty of time to hug that person a little tighter before they lose the chance.